The Easter Bunny
Easter is a wonderful time of year. Never again need we want for chocolate when there is none in the house. Never again will we sneak it from our mother's collection, because now that Easter has come and gone, we have mountains of our own to eat all to ourselves!!!
Who is responsible for all this goodwill? According to our parents, the 'Easter Bunny' brings us our chocolate treats each year, and it is he who hides them and leaves clues for us to unravel so that we can find them. However (and I make no illusion that this is a child-friendly blog!), I beg to differ.
There is blatantly no such thing as the Easter Bunny. No bunny-rabbit is capable of visiting every house in the Western world, hiding many eggs for the children there, and then leaving a series of well-written clues for them to puzzle over. Certainly not in one night; hell, it would be physically impossible for even a huge group of people (even The Pogues!) to do that all in one night. I spoke to Santa Claus last year on the issue;
Carl: Hello Santa.
Santa: Ho-ho-ho! What would you like for christmas, little boy?
Carl: I'll be getting in touch shortly regarding that. Today I'd like to speak to you with regards to the fiction that is 'The Easter Bunny'!
Santa: Ho-ho-ho!
Carl: It's a well-known fact that Bunny rabbits are incapable of manipulating beautiful woven baskets containing a selection of delicious chocolate eggs. How could one bunny be expected to carry millions of these baskets around the globe, scattering the eggs upon houses and gardens wherever there be children? Especially at this time of year, when he should surely be procreating.
Santa: Ho-ho-ho!
Carl: Is it not completely absurd that such an animal as a bunny, devoid of higher intelligence as he is, should be capable of concocting ingenious hiding-places for his eggs, and in many cases providing beautifully written clues as to their whereabouts. How would he even be expected to enter our homes? Bunnies cannot manipulate doors, and I'll be damned if I ever saw a bunny go down a chimney!
Santa: Ho-ho-ho!
Carl: Above all, in the timeframe of one night, how could such a character as 'The Easter Bunny' possibly traverse the entire globe, delivering eggs as he is alleged to supposedly 'do'? Is this not a physically impossibly feat?
Santa: Ho-ho-ho! He certainly is a busy bunny, that one!
Carl: I would like to make an allegation! I allege that the Easter bunny is nothing more than a fictitious lie, concocted by evil grown-ups to make the Easter season more 'enjoyable' for the poor kiddies. I think that it was our parents who hid the eggs, and that it was our parents who wrote the clues. And I think they did it in the Drawing Room with the Candlestick.
Miss World: I concur.
Inspector Gadget: Afraid not, my good chap. (He shows Carl the 'Drawing Room' card)
Santa: Your turn, Miss World.
posted by polynomialpal @ 8:59 pm
3 comments
3 Comments:
I think we should try to incorporate The Easter Bunny and his/her fictitious-ness into "Badminton: The Musical" in some way. I have no idea how though.
This is a very "Carl" blog post, for which I congratulate you, although it must have been easy for you seeing as you are Carl. While writing my "My exciting life since being home" post I started to notice that it too was turning into a "Carl" post. It was most bizarre. Did you take over my mind that day or something?
Thankyou for your kind words Kylie. As you know, I'm a very poor impressionist, so it's actually much harder for me to write a 'Carl' post than it is for anybody else. Still I manage it!
Perhaps in the musical we should have somebody suggest the Easter Bunny as a replacement for the talking dog? Then somebody can say, "there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny", and they can sing a song about it. How does that sound to you, my dear???
Yes! I agree. Maybe we should let the Easter Bunny sing a "There's no such thing as the Easter Bunny" song, or get someone else to sing it and have the Easter Bunny sing one verse?
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